Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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