Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
