shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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