question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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