is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
be right there i have to get my cape
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
