You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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