I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
