Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
