1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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