I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
