oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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