dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
