Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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