do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
