Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
