I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize