He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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