remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
