I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
