I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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