Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
