tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
