Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
