then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
