mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize