Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
