dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
