We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
