Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
