Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
