After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
