Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
It was confusing and full of hummus
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
