As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
