you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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