We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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