sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
