i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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