Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
