Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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