God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
