I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You need a sexual gate keeper
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
