New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Found the puke drawer
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
