when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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