He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
