You're earring is so big in my mouth
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
