I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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