i love accidental penises.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
