sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
