i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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