So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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