Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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