I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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