there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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