you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
