I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
home. puking in laundry basket.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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