My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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