remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
