I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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