Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so let's talk penis.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
