considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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