I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
