I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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