I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
