I think scott just propositioned me for sex
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
