so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
