Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
